1:48PM, Fri Nov 9, 2012

How To Blag A Footballer – A Toon Lass Probs Solution

By Geordie Lass Problems Location: Newcastle

Newcastle's most notorious blogger is back with the second installment on life as ToonLassProbs.

This time the anonymous 22-year-old - who is also known by her twitter name Geordie Lass Probs - gives the low down on how to get a footballer boyfriend.

How to blag a footballer – A Toon Lass Solution.

It’s no secret that most Geordie birds love footballers. Being a WAG is something I wanted ever since Posh Spice became Victoria Beckham back in 1999. I was heartbroken, but savvy enough to realise that she was immediately set for life. VB has taken the role very seriously and paved the way for other WAGs to follow in her footsteps and invented the perfect career choice for every young girl to aspire to.

Now, I don’t claim to be any Cheryl, Abbey or Alex, but somehow I have managed to blag myself a few footballers in my time. As a pretty average looking lass, these are my #ToonLassTips on how to meet and date footballers, with a few quotes thrown in from the men themselves.

Look like a WAG.

Looking like a WAG doesn’t mean wearing seven inches of foundation and massive sunglasses constantly, but it does mean bothering to make an effort. Big hair, always. Make-up always. Think about it – if you were shagging a famous footballer, there’s a chance you might get your photo taken. You don’t want to get caught wearing a pair of aquafresh leggings and flossys.

Men also like to think they’re the centre of your world. A footballer isn’t any different. If he thinks you’re making an effort for him, he’ll make the effort for you (maybe).

Actually be interested in football

One of the lads I went out with said to me “it’s so nice talking to a girl who actually cares about my job instead of just my money” (if only he knew). I’m not saying sit in the pub necking pints and screaming that the ball is offside, just casually offer to go down to training, ask for his allotted tickets for a game, and look after him when he’s just tripped over a ball and been shouted abuse at by 52000 people.

Get Twitter (which you should already have and be following @ToonLassProbs!)

Newcastle's notorious blogger hits the streets

This is going to sound so bad… but I met my first footballer mate on Twitter. I tweeted him something funny about something he was talking about and he started following me. From there we DM’d and agreed to meet up for a drink. From there we became good mates and after moaning to him about being single, he took me for drinks with a few of his teammates. Easy.

Go to nice places

Let’s be honest, you’re not going to meet a footballer in the Dog and Parrot. But you might, and probably will, meet footballers in Tup Tup, Florita’s, Koo’s and around Oz Road. Make friends with the staff and you’ll be in VIP in nee time. However, don’t be an idiot about it. An ex of mine was once bitching to me about all these lasses who throw themselves at him, just coz he played for Newcastle. My advice is to be cool, give him the eye, then concentrate on having a mint night with your bezzie marras. A footballer (and any lad!) is much more likely to want to get to know you if you look like you’re a good laugh.

On the other hand check yourself before you wreck yourself. I was once out with a few of the lads in Jesmond, and this really, really fit lass came up to chat to one of them. We were all relatively sober (it was mid-season so they weren’t really drinking), and this lass was proper mortal and basically making a tit of herself. She got politely rebuffed and I got a massive hackie. Nice one.

At the end of the day, a footballer is just like a puppy: loyal, kind and likes running around a field with a ball. Give him what he wants and he’ll give you what you want. In my case it was a £950 Mulberry bag.

Geordie Lass Problems' next blog is coming soon on Sky Tyne and Wear. For her first blog, click here.

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